The SIMP Draft Explained:

Hits the piss out of the golf ball. Great ball striker. Solid putter. Can shape his shots on either side. Past SIMP champion. The official golf rival of Hunter Budrewicz. If Everett picks you, you will be in the mix. He can win the tournament by himself if he brings his A game. He can win the tournament with some help if he brings his B game. And if you're curious about his D game, ask your mother.

Sexy. Cunning. Filthy rich. Built like captain America (pre super soldier serum). Excels in scrambling for pars and has been playing SCC for over 10 years. Follows the rules of golf like the bible and is always rooting for a SIMP playoff. Probably too frazzled about the pace of the tournament to pay enough attention to his own game through the first 3 holes. Make sure he drinks a beer at the keg on 5 so his nerves don’t get the best of him down the stretch. Voted most likely to whack one in the brook on 15 when he should of pulled 3-wood. 

Nick Stycharz is a gentleman and a scholar. Nick's game sees huge ups and downs but you would never guess from his demeanor. Easy going, 420 friendly, and up there for most likeable guys in the tournament. If his driver is on you will be in the mix to win... but if his driver is off, you will get to see areas of the golf course you never knew existed. Solid irons. Solid putter. He is one of the 3-5 guys who could post something less than a 36 on the front all by himself if things goes right.

Gamer. Stud. Locked-in. Scully comes out to Soho for two things: 1.) drink beers 2.) bury putts. His "golfer comp" in my mind is John Rahm. He is just good at getting the ball in the cup and he does not get fazed by pressure. Playing with Scully at best you win the SIMP, and at worst you have a great time listening to some country tunes and slinging brews. 

I met Brien for the first time this year and goddamn when I found out he was down to play in the SIMP he was an auto-include. This guy is the man. Close friends with Kyle & Cesar. Can shoot in the high 70s on his own & typically is in the low 80s. 100% SIMP captain material. Welcome aboard my friend. Rank 5 feels right. Just remember hot shot everyone is a gangster till the SIMP is on the line. Don’t blink. 

Dillon can pound the sh*t out of the golf ball. He works for a golf course and knows SCC like the back of his hand. There is no doubt in my mind Dillon has what it takes to close out the SIMP if he brings his A game. Dillon always seems to have a new one-liner if you muff a shot and doesn't seem to give a f*ck what anyone has to say. 

"J-Wash". Great ball striker with his irons. But you might as well call his driver Northampton MA because it's anything but straight. Jordan plays a ton of golf and he's hard not to root for. Humble & steadfast demeanor. I think he would pair well with a bomber of the golf ball. He's of those guys everyone would be happy to see win the tourney. 

Brick house. Can probably throw a baseball 90 miles an hour. Voted most likely to pull a fish out of the pond on the 6th mid round. Very solid golf game. Man's man.

A lot to say about this kid. Plays in crocs and hits the ball like a rock. A dart a day keeps the doctor away. Greg is an all around sound golfer, you'll be happy if he pulls the trigger on you. A sensei on the green, golf ball whisperer, & the definition of a "feel" golfer. SIMP Royalty. 

Can dunk. Closing out our top 10 we have Dakota and he no dubt wins the award of "looks like the best golfer" in this group. He can hit the long ball and has a solid touch with his irons. It's going to come down to his putter. But can his sophomore season come out on top? 

Captain Wing! Austin closed out a 2023 SIMP championship alongside Scully. Austin knows wtf he doing around the golf course and is a sneaky great lag putter. Overall a very sound game. He loves 3 things. Dirt bikes, beers, and crazy women. 

Davey baby!! One of SIMPs absolute finest. Will this year be the year? This tournament needs a lefty champion. Dave hits it HARD. He pairs best with someone who can keep things in the fairway. He has got the nads and the fire to close out the SIMP. If you're playing with Dave, you're playing to win this thing. You'll have a great time with this lad. Get err done Dave!

Big dog Griff dog. 14th feels right for a ranking, but at this rate, I think by the end of the season he could be knocking on the top 10. He is one of the few on this list who has carded an honest 39 (emphasis on honest you schmucks) but he can also post some big rounds. I think Griff is a consistent player who could use someone a bit more explosive off the tee. Nothing would put a bigger smile on my face than Grif getting hot out there with the flat stick and winning his first SIMP. 

One of the most slept on players at the SIMP. Matt Halket plays a shit ton of golf. Last year he closed it out with Kamil for his first SIMP win. 

Matt has had a roller coaster of a year. This man has been catching jets running real estate for Pepsico non stop chasing his dreams. One week China, the next week India, then the following he sends me a pic of him with Jerry Jones. It would be a miracle if he has had the chance to get out and hit some shots in 2025. Babs can rip the ball 320+ but all you can do is pray it's in the right direction. If Babs picks you, you're in great hands. 

Nicko! Easy going, smooth sailing fella. Expect a relaxing run at the tourney full of exciting shots and hearty laughs. His game has a really high ceiling but will require some help along the way to post a score that wins. If Nick picks you, you're in great hands and have as good as a shot as any to win the SIMP.

The biggest most intimidating man you'll meet. An anvil of a head and all those tattoos. Talk about SCARY! Fun dude to golf with and if you got it in you, he'll kill a High Noon a hole. Long off the tee and turn gentleman of the game. Long live this polish king. 

Chris is as chill as they come. An absolute athlete through and through with the talent/prowess to be excellent. What Chris lacks is practice but do not count out the possibility of him putting in some work on his game this summer to give things a real run at the SIMP. Extremely long off the tee. Would pair well with someone who knows Southampton CC well and can help keep the ball in play.

Dr chipinski. The Chef. Himothee Chalamet. Arnold Palmer once said "you have to play boldly to win" and I believe Chad can do just that. Great under pressure and can step up in big moments. Were making him a captain this year to see if he can take destiny into his own hands. 

Harleys. Good food. Tattoos. America. Also, he rips it up on a snowboard and is just as silky on that as he is with his wedge game. Dave was one of the best players on the golf team in high school, but he probably doesn't get out as much to the course as much as he would like to these days. Great touch around the greens and knows the ins and outs of the game. 

We love Kyle. If you don't know Kyle, f*ck off & don’t pick Kyle. Kyle's favorite things include Pokemon, the minecraft movie, and recalling baseball statistics from the last 50 years of the MLB. He works as a janitor at an ivy league school, and sometimes after classes he will complete half written equations & mathematical proofs. 

MATT V baby. If Matt wins the SIMP we are partying HARD. This man loves to blast it fore right off the tee. Awful with his wedge game but can get hot with the putter and certainly knows his way around Southampton Country Club. Picking Matt guarantees good vibes on the day. If you win with Matt you're locked into SIMP history forever.

One of those guys right on the cusp of SIMP captain. Freak athlete for sure, but probably does not have the time he truly wishes he could dedicate to the game. Brendan leading off the second half of the field will not have the chance to pick his partner, but as I look through all of the captains in the top half of the field this year, there is not a single person who could not close this thing out with some help from Brendan. 

Very very consistent and sound golf game. Vinny is the friendliest nicest dude in the SIMP. A long time tenure at Springfield Country Club, he is the kind of guy you meet and instantly root for. Vinny's game pairs nicely with folks who bomb the ball. Vinny will poke it out there and navigate the golf course with ease on his own, but if you can get him up close to the green the birdies will be flowing. 

Ben CHIMMY. Great vibes with Ben Chimmy. Knows his way around Southampton Country Club too. Very friendly dude & built like a brunette Will Zalatoris. Probably a sneaky top half player in the SIMP. Paired with the right partner, I could see him making a real run at it. 

Brian Williams! Pilot for I believe United Airlines? This man GRINDED on his golf game last year until an injury from overuse derailed his season. Friendly, intellectual, & a conversational lad. For a little bit he would go from WMass to Philadelphia to get to work... so don't you dare bitch about your commute to him. This man has traveled everywhere and anywhere.

Tall white guy. Big smile. Can dunk. MBA. Friendly as hell. Bonafide athlete. Zach has what it takes to win the SIMP no doubt in my mind. Your dad probably wishes you were more like him. 

1 of 3 police officers in the SIMP. We are well protected folks. He is boys with Matt V & has a very reasonable golf game. I haven't personally had a chance to hit the links with Anthony but seems like an easy going guy's guy. 

VIBES. GLUE GUY. SHORT GAME SPECIALIST. Nate is 10/10 enthusiastic about golf and winning championships. The only thing standing in his way are long irons and drivers off the tee. Nate plays quite a bit, I think if he dedicates himself to a bit extra practice with ball striking this year, he could win his first SIMP. Nate is the heart & soul of this tournament. 

Cesar has what it takes to bring home the SIMP. He has a solid all around game and I probably criminally under-ranked him simply because I have yet had the chance to play a full round with him. Everything you could ever want in a golfing partner. Either you'll light it up together or walk away a few IPAs deep after a couple hours of shooting the shit. Cesar is a fantastic pick. 

Mr. Dearborn. A guys guy. Colin is good chill vibes and a joy to be around. Gonna be a long day if she gets the shanks or he gets a call letting him know his dog got the shits again back home. Get this guy a beer and a glizzy at the turn and I can promise you a new best friend. Has all the mechanics of a low handicap, just needs more reps. 

Even tempered, mellow, & carefree. Bryce gets along with anyone. My man is an accountant which will come in extra handy when he counts the massive numbers on his scorecard. Boom roasted.

I have no f*cking CLUE what Griffin has been up to since the last time I saw him. He looks Italian as hell & I loved working with him at Southampton Country Club back in the day. Kind of guy you would love to grab a beer with & has the clutch gene to close the SIMP if he gets the opportunity. A little sporadic off the tee, but can put together a round for sure. 

A 6' 3' & 245ib stallion of an Irishman. Easily burnt by the sun. Danny is a fireman but his love for hoses goes back a long way. Danny once held a "car wash" for his friends in his driveway on a summer afternoon. No, it was not a fantasy football punishment. 

A best friend of Hunter at work. Andrew is easy going and can SLING beers. Andrew has a better golf game than the majority of the bottom half of the SIMP but lacks consistency with his shots. Andrew is a degenerate on draftkings and is one of the friendliest, easy going, trustworthy people you will ever have the privilege to meet. Ex hockey player with a stocky build he has won longest drive at the SIMP before.

John a.k.a JUICE. Insanely smart engineer. Jays game is steadily coming along. A fierce hockey & football background and it shows. Unfortunately he can't plaster the other players into the boards but maybe in future full contact version of the SIMP. 100 yards and in Jay is a top half player. Expect and easy going, friendly, and enthusiastic round.

Brennan is the youngest player in the SIMP. He has been working at Southampton Country Club since before he could talk and his first words were "cash only". He will contribute some shots on the day but lacks the consistency to take the round over by himself. He will be especially helpful around the greens.

Kyle Matzko is a force to be reckoned with on the golf course. Ranked 38th, but this man has been putting in the WORK. Kyle is well experienced on the golf course as well as on the receiving end of the bar at Powers in West Springfield. Alongside the tasteful touch of grey in the hair of this silver fox you will find the heart & determination of a lion. Kyle is close friends with Cesar & Brien. Expect the beers to be flowing and the vibes to be up. Mr. Matzko FTW. 

Tyler has a heart of solid gold and a handicap of a billion. Every once and awhile he might catch one off the tee and send it like John Daly. He will contribute some shots, but consider him the double black diamond of partners... for experienced personnel only. Tyler is an electric factory and a spectacle. Encourage this peacock to spread his wings and you might not believe just how far he can fly. Go T go. 

Dry sense of humor. Great at drinking. Mediocre at golf. I think if John took maybe 3 range sessions before the SIMP he would surge to at least rank ~27. But here is the truth: John has better shit to do. John cracks me up and can play with anyone. I've played in tons of tourneys with John & its always a great time. I promise he is not as scary as he looks. Sort of.

Studying his PHD in chemical engineering at North Eastern and somehow making it look easy. If this was anything other than golf, I would put every single dollar I have on Nick to find a way to win. Unfortunately for him, this is indeed a golf tournament. He's great under pressure, an all time vibes guy, and always steps up to the challenge. He's ranked dead last in the SIMP, but somehow, someway, I think he has a much higher likelihood than most to close out the tournament. Time shall tell. Welcome aboard Nicko, hit em' straight. 

Ayyy welcome to the squad Mr. Chase! A pure rookie. Chad Stutz's little bro. I am going to guess 24? 25? I have heard he has a decent golf game, nothing too special. I am putting him at the bottom of the pack & please someone draft this young buck and lead him to the promised land. 

Andy Gove! My man! Welcome in. 

And to round us out, Mr. Perrier. Lets do this.