Bruh check out that sweet action:

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The only guy to play 4 years straight and average under par (71.25) getting the last pick of the draft. Well done Ev. Can he piece it all together to be the first person to win two SIMPs?

Imagine inventing a golf tournament and never winning it for 4 straight years. Averaging +2, but he started his putting practice in February and he's feeling "dangerous".

HE DID IT. HE DID IT. SIMP CHAMPION.

Very solid golf game, but probably will be too hungover on the first tee to outright win the tourney. Has the nickname "Cooter" from his last name and might be the new front runner for most likeable guy in the tourney.

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

Mr. Strycharz is an American treasure. They do not make them like this anymore. Nick is capable of shooting a 36 or 46 depending on the day. Buy him a beer and learn more about the most fantastic golf course in the world: Southampton Country Club.

My white whale of participants. Dillon is a solid golfer and certainly has the mental game to close the SIMP out. Will he show up and compete is the question.

Absolute gem of a competitor. If this tournament was strictly about taking down beers, Scully might win. But thankfully it's all about golf and Scully might win that too. Fierce competitor and if you're lucky enough to be drafted by this beast you better be ready to play for a dub.

It's a miracle the blood from his heart can flow up his giraffe neck and keep his brain working. It's a miracle he has any hand eye coordination considering his hands are 6ft from his eyes during his downswing. If you cant tell I am still salty Dakota beat me in our solo match at Fresh Pond in Boston draining a putt on the 9th. Despite his frightening comparison to the slenderman, he's a pretty damn good golfer and has my full respect.

Danny O’tool ladies and gentlemen, the washed up college golfer now spends his days wishing he never gave up the sport. Soon to be married this kid is looking for an excuse to be out on the course, he plays mizuno irons, so ya he’s got a small dick. all jokes aside kids a fucking dart and you’ll be lucky if he pick you to win this years simp.

A past champion and a meticulous player. Capable of breaking 40 on his own and with a solid partner will be a threat to be the first campion with multiple titles. Is the #13th ranked player based on scoring average alone.

YES SIR. AFFIRMATIVE SIR. Get yourself someone like this who can do both. He can make a competitive run at chip AND have just a classic great day on the course. Bring Kamil some beers and stogies, and he might just give you a 310 drive down the middle. Few people represent the SIMP as well as this class act. 

Number 1 rated rookie for 2026! Welcome aboard brother. Word on the street is you're a pretty solid player. But do you have that Scottie Scheffler ice in your veins vibe when every shot counts towards a dub against your 413 peers? Let. it. rip. 

Chasing a PHD in mathematics and one of the finest golfers Easthampton High has ever produced. Frank is a gentleman, and a scholar and it might be a crime it took us this long to get him in the mix at the SIMP. 

Will is a new face for everyone at the tourney. I tend to be a bit picky about who we let into the invitational and tend to lean towards guys everyone knows... and I hope that says something about how F*CKING awesome this dude is. There is no doubt in my mind Will is SIMP material. Will has that competitive spirit and good vibes we need. Welcome to the squad brotha.

A true student of the game. Griffin takes his game more serious than work. Currently why he is unemployed. He might ask to borrow a ball, tee or a hundred bucks but this kid has got the game to win this thing. May struggle with the D stick but an excellent putter. Give the kid a chance, you'll be happy you did.

Cesar Sala baby! Helping us round out our DEI requirements for the tourney. Cesar is a SOLID golfer and team leader. If he picks you, you're not in just for a good time, but to compete for the chip. Cesar has played in 2 SIMPs and is averaging a competitive 72.5 score (top 4 overall). Easy going and a smooth easy swing. Good luck out there bossman.

DON'T LET THIS GUY GET HOT. David brings the competitive juices and good vibes to every simp. The dude wants to win, but he's not going to ruin his or anyone's day over trying to get the W. This man can hit PISS MISSILES off the tee. He plays very boom or bust, but what is most underrated about his golf game is his scramble ability. Put him anywhere on the course and he will cook up an idea to get the ball near the hole. There is no quit in this man.

Third leg Greg. Trampsteez420. Very solid and quiet golf game. Greg has played in 4 SIMPs and over those rounds is averaging a 77.25 which I think widely understates his game. Greg has a 2nd place finish at the SIMP and has the skills to almost win the tourney outright on his own if he has his A game on a given day. Greg can play with anyone and will always be SIMP royalty. 

He is simply built like a trebuchet. In a longest drive contest at the SIMP, I think this guy is placing top 3 if he gets fully ahold of one. His game has quietly been coming along the past few years and has already cemented himself a SIMP champion back in 2022. Babs is great vibes on the course and I look forward to his investiable chirps on the first tee. 

WINGER. Austin has played in 3 SIMPs and is averaging. a 76.3 which is only 6 strokes off the average winning score. Plain and simple, he will be a competitive player down the stretch. Going back through the stats over the years, it is kind of funny to point out, Austin (alongside his partner Brennan) is the only person to ever make two triple bogeys in a single round. If you're his partner, maybe talk him into the safe shot once and awhile. Good luck out there homie, WINGER WINGER CHICKEN DINGE

NICKOOOOO. Talent through the roof, practice not exactly as through the roof. Don't you dare wake this sleeping giant baby. Nick has the single greatest laugh in humanity and is one sarcastic mofo. Nick is played in 4 SIMPs and is one of the most easy going people you will ever meet. Always good for a sarcastic quip and always good for a tight wedge around the green. KING. 

Kyle is one of the most unique men we have personally ever recruited to this tournament. Kyle competes in county wide swim meets as a “homeschooled” high schooler. Although nearing the age of 30, he has the bags under his eyes of a 65 year old alcoholic. The lefty has never played golf consistently and only carries a driver, 6 iron and 9 millimeter in his bags at all times. Get ready to have a day with Mr. Marek.

A hockey player gone golfer. This is basically the plot of Happy Gilmore. Word on the street is this Easthampton native has a solid 10 handicap and is ready to play with the big dogs of WMass. I am feeling high pick captaincy here and we had multiple people vouch Mike was a good dude who belongs in the SIMP. 

Welcome back Andy! Get this man a glizzy and a brew at the turn and he turns into his golf super alter-ego Andy Groove. Andy Groove has a sold all around game and the whispers in the shadows is he is locking in this summer. I think Andy might drive a Toyota Supra? Which is almost as dope as my 2007 Toyota Camry. Andy is a stand up guy and reps the SIMP well. Hard not to cheer for a solid finish here.

We call this dude “MONKEY”. You wont stop laughing and having good times with this dude. Flush with his irons and pretty decent off the tee, what this guy needs is a solid putter on his team as the simp rookie wants to make a splash poppin his simp cherry. 

A simp Rookie. Justin absolutely pipes his ball off the tee. Just look at his arms. Distance is his thing. In addition to his length off the tee, his putting is by the best part of his game. His approach shots are sometimes questionable, but that’s where a solid short game partner comes in handy. If you're ready to light the fuse to his bombs, you're ready to wear a simp green jacket.

Matt is the perfect 7/10 golfer you'll find in this game. From best dressed, to extreme golf etiquette all the way to banter, couldn't find a greater guy to play with. Can get hot with his putter and approach shots, but might get a little shaky off the tee, but that could be from all the nicotine. You'll have nothing but good vibes and maybe just maybe a shot at winning this thing. 

From mullet to rocking Mr. Clean. David is as solid as it comes as a competitor in this game. Playing on high school golf team this kid knows his sticks. Willing to crush beers, and send a ball to space, Dave has all the elements to become a simp champ, is this his year? Hopefully so.

Don't let this guy get sick, he might have to call the doctor, doctor “chipinski” Chad is electric, from duffing tee shots to chipping in from 59 yards out or draining 70 foot putts. Only a year or two ago Chad had a top 5 finish and it’s absolute itching to get back on top of this thing. You won't be disappointed in your selection.

Chris is the real f*cking deal off the tee. Probably top 5 longest hitters in the SIMP? Extremely athletic and will piece some holes together in the SIMP. Very capable of a 40 or a 50 for 9 holes. Sometimes a bit streaky with his shots. If you pick Chris, you will be competing to win the SIMP. I could see him pairing well with someone who has a strong understanding of the course and where the risk and reward is out there.

An established member of this tournament, Brenden brings such a glorious energy to this glorious day. A busy man who still strives to improving his game. Impossible to not have fun with this guy. If you're looking to have a just a day out there and a chance to take this thing home, this is your guy.

Damn Nicky he so fine he so fine oh he’s so fine damn Nicky damn Nicky. The simp rookie is close family with Matty v. Nick grew up on tekoa CC and played as Westfield highs Ace golfer on the transgender golf team. Catch him on a good day and he’s 280 down the pipe with the D stick, catch him on a bad day and he’s 5-10 seconds with your D stick.

You CANNOT find a better partner than our main man Vinny. As a past simp champion, he knows what this tourney is all about. Vinny is the definition of consistent. May not be long off the tee but around the green, putting and his irons will not disappoint you. If you're long off the tee but struggle in other departments, do not look past this guy or you will not win. Vinny for prez 2028.

The 6 foot 7 giant man is a force to be recognized. Ben is a seasoned vet when it comes to the simp. As consistent as they come. May struggle on the green but overall a solid golfer who has a solid chance to pop his simp cherry and get his name on the plaque.

Brian was 100% addicted to golf in 2024. So much so, I am pretty sure he damaged his rotator cuff from an overuse injury? The man is a machine and probably one of the most intelligent & inquisitive players in the SIMP. Brian put me onto some apps that take AI analysis of your golf swing from your camera. He has a pretty solid overall golf game. Nothing stands out as a major strength, but nothing stands out as a major weakness either. Brian will be a pleasure to play with and I am always rooting 

Sneaky golf skills and the heart of a lion. Griffin Craig is a man's man and is built for the SIMP. Every year I think to myself Griff should probably be a captain, but it's more fun to troll a little bit and have him get scooped up instead. Swiss army knife of vibes, I could see him having a great round with anyone and I look forward to his "I told you so" when he finally takes down the SIMP. 

Zach is a grinder, every year striving and succeeding in improving his golf game and chasing his goals. His irons, if hot are going to be tough to stop. He's been playing golf so much he forgot how to dunk. An excellent selection in this year's tournament.

This is where the simp gets fun. Mr. Nathan Jameson Laplant is what simp champs are made of, although he has never won one. Nate bring out all the great qualities you want to see in yourself. With  American spirit blacks and miller high life Nate is a soaring bald eagle of golf. Nate has had a top 3 finish and is truly keen on finally wearing a simp green jacket.

THE. Mr. Kody Perrier. Kody enjoys long walks on the beach, foot rubs, and pad Thai. I think. Kody has a solid golf game and is a friendly lad. He's one of those guys that I could see absolutely grinding over the spring start of the season and showing up with a pretty dynamic game. Ask yourself not what Kodi can do for you, but what you can do for Kody. 

KING DANNY BOYLE. He is a top 10 ranked SIMP golfer based on scoring average through 3 rounds played. The king of Holyoke, sun-block, and saving people from fires. It's all the more impressive when you learn Danny used to weigh 450 pounds and lost all the weight through a sponsored journey of only eating Subway sandwiches. Incredible stuff. Welcome back CHAMP.

Hahaha I asked Matt to write this one and he forgot. Dear Anthony Basile. You scare the sh!t out of me. Anthony is a badass police officer who hits the hell out of the ball. Every time I talk to this guy he cracks me up and especially when he makes fun of Matt. If I remember correctly, Matt and Anthony originally met on the popular golf  app "Grindr". 

Anotha simp rookie, we got ourselves a male nurse here ladies and gents. When he ain’t out there saving lives he’s out there pippin drives. Andrew is on the newer side of golf but invests the time, money and alcohol to make sure he has a good time. Enjoy yourself with the second Bzdel brother to join the simp.

Andrew is a top 9 SIMP player based on scoring average at the SIMP. That being said, I have no clue how the hell to describe his golf game. He can hit the ball very far but also banana the thing dead right or left. He can make putts from 30 feet out, but also ask if the putt is left center when in reality it's 5 cups out??? Andrew is a good vibe loving jolly human being. He will give you some really good shots, but probably not the entire game. If the SIMP was a chugging contest tho... #1

One of the youngest in the tourney, Chase's golf game is a block of beautiful marble slowly being carved into something incredible. True 413 royalty through and through and after his SIMP debut in 2025 he sits in the top 15 in scoring average after a solid 75 round with Matt York. Great company and I could see him pairing best with someone who can get him out on the links for a couple practice rounds ramping up to the tourney to make a real competitive run. 

Chillin like a villain. Bryce gets along with everyone and is my favorite certified public accountant. Bryce is a vet having played in 3 SIMPs and going back through his stats I have noticed he has quietly scored 3 strokes better every single year. Bryce are you grinding out there? Are you sharpening your short game? If this trend continues he will be exactly 1 stroke off the average winning score for the SIMP. I look forward to his firm handshake and clicking a draft beer with this man.

We call this guy Mr. Blue collar. Colin is just a 10/10 guy with a 5/10 golf game. There is nothing this guy could do out there to make you regret your selection. An absolute gentlemen with great course etiquette. We love Colin.

Brennan has worked at Southampton Country Club more years of his existence than not. He simply knows the course and the game of golf far beyond the average SIMP player. When Brennan walks into the room "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith starts to play. Give him a coors latte on the turn and he might give you a few bomb putts along the way. 

Mr. Matzko! My official brother-in-law. Kyle karaoked "I can be your hero baby" in the middle of his wedding reception on a hot mic which was one of the greatest moments of my life. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you party Kyle. Kyle is a SIMP OG having played in all 4 events. Here where is last 4 scores in order... 83, 80, 76, 73. Do you know what that means? 2026 is a lock. Congrats on your championship Kyle. 

Jay has the words dark horse written all over him this year. The ex-hockey player is ready to make a name for himself in the simp this year. One thing about Jay is he will ALWAYS be better dressed than you, no doubt. For only being a few years into his golf career, he is excellent with his green side wedges. He is always willing to learn and take tips, like “i'm a little more right” or “just have another beer”. You'll have a great day on the links with this guy as your passenger princess.

We got ourselves a simp sophomore. Nick is newer to the game of golf but is absolute vibes with his banter. He is eager to improve his game because this kid hates to lose. He will have some great shots out there, and some absolutely horrid ones too. But let this kid vibe with beers and music and you won't be disappointed with your simp selection.

The Webster dictionary’s secondary  definition of the word phenomenon is “a remarkable person, place or thing”. The only word to describe Tyler is a phenomenon. Where he lacks in skill he will make up for in an absolute joy and entertainment out on the course. Pounding coors lite and Zyns is Tyler’s is middle name. Tyler thoroughly enjoys the game and wants to get better. He might get lucky and bomb a drive down a fairway, just might not be the right one. Probably the best vibes on the course.

Plumber, lover, golfer. John Strycharz is as close to a cheat code as the cocaine cigarette diet. He may deal with pipes on a daily but will absolutely not pipe the ball down the middle. Johns skill level might be mediocre, but his knowledge of the course he literally grew up on will speak volume. 

WELCOME IN BROTHA! I gave Anthony his first golf lesson in 2025 and I saw absolutely nothing but pure potential. His drives and irons were great out of the gate but his short game does need some refining. Thankfully, short game is the easiest thing to practice and if he dedicates some time to practicing chipping & putting this summer he has a HUGE chance at being a dark horse competitor of the SIMP. Anthony is a potential diamond in the rough and will take an experienced player to help coach him

Ay! Welcome in homie. One of the newer golfers to hit the SIMP, Jordan no doubt had the brain and grind to figure this game out. One of the many engineers in the SIMP field this year and true Western Mass salt of the earth. I can picture a cold brew in Jordan's hand on the turn and him using his athleticism to cheat out a handful of helpful shots. I bet Jordan will pair with a true SIMP vet and offer some real upside if you can get some practice rounds in early. 

Mr. Nick Hoskin. A gentleman and the newest pupil in the game of golf. I have yet to golf with Nick, but I am confident we will hit the links together in 2026. Maybe 8 years ago I noticed his brother Ant at SCC more days of the week than not. Nothing fired me up more than to hear Nick was getting into it too. Nick is a beginner, but I see nothing but potential. If you draft Nick, take him out to play and start helping to develop his game. He has the athleticism to make things happen on the cours